William I. Lengeman III - Freelance Writer

Humor - If I Had A Hammer

If I Had A Hammer
By William I. Lengeman III

I’ve always felt uneasy in the company of ball peen hammers. Perhaps I'm alone in this, my distrust of certain hand tools. At the other extreme is a guy like Dave Pahl, hammer collector extraordinaire and curator of an Alaskan hammer museum that houses more than twelve hundred of the little buggers.

Pahl has gone on record as saying, "I like hammers." Obviously, and who can fault a guy for that? Hammers are a good and useful thing and where would we be without them? We’d be running around trying to bang in nails with screwdriver handles, is
where we’d be.

Humor - The History of Saliva

The History of Saliva
by William I. Lengeman III

Here are some fascinating facts about spit, which I’ve gone out and gathered so you don't have to. But first there’s a minor issue of semantics that we need to get cleared up - the difference between saliva and spittle. The dictionary isn't completely clear on this point, but as far as I can tell it appears that saliva does not technically become spittle until it is ejected (or spit) from the mouth.

Essay - Beam Him Up, Scotty!

Beam Him Up, Scotty!
Cosmos Online

I can't shake the feeling that Shatner has let the team down. That's team as in humankind, and Shatner - well, you know who he is.

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Essay - The Child Prodigy In Few Of Us

The Child Prodigy In Few Of Us
Christian Science Monitor

Nowadays it's probably not acceptable to imply that children be seen and not heard. Nor would it be considered proper to suggest that child prodigies be given neither consideration. Maybe I'm alone in feeling this way, though some five centuries ago Erasmus remarked that "everybody hates a prodigy, detests an old head on young shoulders."

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Humor - Signs That You're Probably No Longer A Member Of MTV's Target Audience

Signs That You're Probably No Longer A Member Of MTV's Target Audience
The Cynic Online Magazine

Will fight for your right to party as soon as you find your slippers.
Would never dream of letting someone pimp your ride.

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